Regrets, Confusion, and Straight Out Lies
by MeredithGlass
Summary: Some people regret their involvment if they were on the losing side of the war. I am the only one who can say that I regret my efforts in the winning side. I am Hermione Granger and I wish I never helped defeat Lord Voldemort.
1. Chapter 1

Many people can claim that they regret their involvement in the Second Great War. Most of them are probably ex-Death Eaters or Ministry personnel who had aided Voldemort's followers from in the inside so they were not killed, but still remained neutral. All of those who regret were probably on the losing end of the battle. Not many can say that they were on the winning side of the war, and yet still regret their actions. Only one can say that they are Harry Potter's best friend, one third of the infamous Golden Trio, and that they regret it wholeheartedly. My name is Hermione Granger, and I regret ever agreeing to help my best friend take down Lord Voldemort.

Sure, I never wanted Voldemort to rule over magic England; after all he would have killed me for sure. I am a Muggleborn, one of those he thought was to have "filthy blood." He was a pig-headed purist. I guess it isn't really that I regret defeating him, it is more of I regret what happened to my friends after he was defeated. Directly after the war, I traveled to Australia in search of my parents. I learned from a wand maker that Death Eaters had wrecked havoc throughout magic Australia, killing Muggleborns and half-bloods left and right. He also told me that some Muggles had gotten caught in the crossfire and that if I went to the Australian Ministry, I could find someone to locate my parents. I did as he said, and I searched all of Australia for them along side David Cooper. We talked to locals, showing them pictures asking them questions to see if anyone knew of them. An old woman in a market in Sydney had recognized them. She said they had been regulars at the store, but stopped coming suddenly about two weeks prior. The old woman had their address on file because sometimes they had their groceries delivered to them.

When I heard this, I was ecstatic. I would finally be reunited with my parents. Once David and I actually reached the oceanfront property, my hopes were destroyed. The house was in rubbles. There were holes in the wall, and part of the ceiling had collapsed. We searched the whole house regardless, and came up with nothing. It was obvious that the Death Eaters had been here, and left no survivors. Heartbroken, I returned to England. The first place I went to was the Burrow. What I had expected to be a warm welcome was instead a distant, awkward greeting. It almost seemed like it was forced.

In the fall, all of those who had missed school to fight in the war were ordered by law to return to complete their schooling. I was appointed Head Girl, alongside Head Boy Blaise Zabini. Harry and Ron were seen as heroes, and quickly became accustomed to the star treatment from both teachers and students alike. I became nothing but a mere tag along; I had become a bystander, watching my best friends go on with life while I was still stuck in the war. I had lost everything in the war. My parents, my home, and now I was losing my best friends. Reality had hit me. Harry and Ron needed my knowledge to help them defeat Voldemort, and now that he was gone they no longer needed my help. Ron even got over his little infatuation with me and went on to date Lavender Brown once again. Harry and Ginny, who had begun dating after the war, broke up and Harry began dating Luna, while Ginny and Neville went out.

I guess at that point I did not really have any close friends. Lavender took up all of Ron's time. Harry and Luna were always out doing something or other together. Many times, searching for some odd creature like nargles. Ginny and Neville occasionally invited me to a game of Exploding Snap, but it was always uncomfortable. I started spending more and more time isolating myself in either the library or the Heads' commons. I would eat most of my meals in there and really I guess I just sort of gave up on trying to be as care-free as everyone else had. During the war, I had trained myself to keep my guard up. There was never a time where we were safe until Voldemort was defeated. Even now, months after the fall of Voldemort, I felt as if I was being watched. As if at any moment, someone was going to jump at me from behind a corner and kill me. Needless to say, the war had made me very paranoid. In the Muggle world, they called a similar problem Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, often diagnosed to war veterans or victims of car incidents and various other crimes.

Anyhow, right around Halloween time, I had given up hope of things ever going back to how they were. I had ceased all contact with my friends and pretty much became the Hogwarts recluse. Then I had made different alliances. I had been alone in Head commons reading yet another book, when Blaise and Draco had walked into the room and over to the chair I was sitting on. Blaise plucked the book from my hands and handed it to Draco. I sighed and reached into a bag to pull out another book, which was also promptly removed from my possession. The same process was repeated until Draco was holding six books in his hands and looking at me like I was crazy.

"Merlin, Granger how many books must you carry with you in that stupid bag of yours?" Draco asked incredulously. I merely stared up at the two Slytherins.

"If you don't mind I would like my books back," I replied.

"Look Granger, I may not like you, but this is just ridiculous," Draco stated.

"What, pray tell, are you talking about Malfoy?"

"Hermione, bottom line is, I became worried about you and decided to drag Draco in this against his own will. It is not normal for a girl of your age and your position, not to mention your obviously superior intelligence compared to the other girls here and—"

"Zabini!" Draco yelled, cutting off Zabini while jabbing him with his elbow. "We are trying to help her, not woo her into going out with you. Blaise rolled his eyes at Draco and continued on.

"My point is, I do not know what happened to you, but I do know that there is no reason for you to be like this. It isn't fair. So…stop being all mope-y and…I don't know…go back to being your usual self!" Zabini finished.

"Yeah," snorted Draco in agreement. "I would much rather have the old, bossy Granger than the silent, frighteningly mute Granger." I was shocked into silence. Not at the fact that they were trying to help me, well of course that was definitely part of it, but more because that the two Slytherin princes, Blaise Zabini and _Draco Malfoy_ had complimented me. More than once! The whole thing was absolutely absurd. The mere thought made me laugh out loud. It was not really a happy laugh, though. My voice came out sound scratchy and sounded strange to my own ears.

"Why are you laughing?" Draco demanded.

"Because if you too knew how absolutely _ridiculous_ you two sound you would be laughing too. This is me. And besides, I don't know why you, Draco Malfoy, of all people wants to help me. It doesn't compute," I replied, shaking my head. Blaise and Draco looked at me like I was insane.

"Jeez Granger, what in Merlin's name happened to you? Did you fly off to Australia and hit your head or something?" Draco asked disbelievingly. My blood ran cold. The small hint of a smile that had graced my face was gone, and my emotions drained away everything save for misery. I could just see the memories of my trip flashing through my mind. Then the memories from the war came back. Everything was replaying in my head. The Order telling me that they had to relocate my parents to Australia, performing the memory charms on them, and then when I finally was allowed to go find them, I learn they were killed by Death Eaters anyway. I would never be able to see them again. I would never gossip with my mum about Hogwarts and my dad would never be able to have "the talk" with my boyfriends. When I got married, I would have no one to walk me down the aisle, no one to go dress shopping with me. No more holidays with sugar-free candy canes and Christmas biscuits. No more anything. I did not even know what I would do after Hogwarts. I have no Muggle education. I have nowhere to live in the wizarding world. I have almost no money. I have nothing.

"Hermione?" Blaise said, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him, but I really was not comprehending anything. Things started blurring together. "Hermione, are you okay?" He reached out to steady me but I backed away.

"How did you know I went to Australia?" I asked.

"What?" They looked at me like I was some sort of mutant stranger.

"How did you know I went to Australia? Who told you?" I asked irately, my voice low.

"I…I was just kidding, Granger," Draco said, confused. "You went to Australia?" I didn't answer. I heard his words, but I did not answer. I could still hear David's words.

_"I'm sorry, Hermione, I really am, but this is what most of the other Death Eater attacks looked like this afterwards. I think we still need to check out the inside because there is a chance that they may be alive or just injured but these are Death Eaters we are talking about. They despise Muggles and Muggleborns alike. They probably came, destroyed, and left no survivors."_

_"I…understand." My words sounded fake even to me._

I understand. Ha. Yeah, like _that_ was true. I don't think I would ever understand, no matter how many times it was beaten into my head.

The last thing I heard was Blaise suggesting I go to the infirmary. Then, all I could see was darkness, and everything went silent.

**So what do you think? It's only a pilot/prototype right now. Not sure if I will do anything with it. Please, all I want to Christmas is your feedback! I don't want to post some crappy story on here! If you want it to be any good, or really if you want me to continue this AT ALL please, please, PLEASE review! Thank you!**

**~Meredith Glass**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reviewing to those of did! A couple of you commented on me switching from saying "I" to saying "Hermione" once or twice. Yeah, that is my bad. I started out in first person, but then I subconsciously switched to third person I think because that is what I am used to writing in. And now a few things to say to some people…**

**Jessirose85- It took me a moment to figure out who the Silver Trio was haha! Yeah, that is what I was thinking, but I have never heard it be called the Silver Trio before! I like it! Although, it is kind of strange that you typed 'Mia' for Hermione, seeing as about 5 minutes before I checked this, I was working on a rough draft of a second chapter and had Blaise call Hermione Mia. Thanks for reviewing!**

**VeryBerry_Rebecca- Yeah, I kept forgetting to write in the English. I should really go change that…haha**

**PyroAngel8605- What I am basically trying to do is that Ron and Harry did only use her for her brains. And do you mean like have Hermione go out with one of them and then the other or a slasher fic? Because I am definitely not in to writing the slasher stuff haha! I feel like this is going to be more of a Blaise/Hermione fic.**

**Redbird27- Yes, Hermione is my favorite too! And I, or should I say Draco, has something planned for the remaining two thirds of the Golden Trio…hahaha I hope you like it!**

**Thank you to all of you who reviewed! I really do appreciate it!**

**And Merry Christmas!**

I woke and knew that I was not in my nice, warm bed in my dormitory. The bed was smaller and stiffer, and it was cold. Like freezing cold. I opened my eyes and was blinded by white. I sat up and looked around. I was in the infirmary, and it looked like I was the only student here. Draco and Blaise were sleeping in the chairs surrounding my bed. I reached into my bag that was so kindly placed with in reaching distance and pulled out a scroll of blank parchment. I began ripping off pieces of the parchment, crumpling them into little balls, and pelting them at the two sleeping boys. This went on for about five minutes, and then I tossed one that hit Draco in the eye and he yelped in pain.

"Bloody Hell Granger!" he yelled. This woke Blaise up, who looked at Draco and then at the many little paper snowballs lying around them. Then he looked at me.

"You're awake!" he said, getting up and walking over to me. "How are you feeling?"

"Um…I'm fine. I guess?" This was getting really weird for me. I mean, who _wouldn't_ feel weird if they woke up in a hospital bed with the boy who has hated them for virtually their entire school years at Hogwarts sleeping in a chair next to the bed, alongside his best friend and Head Boy? It isn't quite an everyday occurrence. "What…are you two doing here?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Blaise asked. "You're Head Girl…I'm Head Boy…why wouldn't I be here?"

"Well then what is he doing here?" I asked, pointing to Draco.

"Oh he is just the Head Boy's friend. You took a nasty spill there. Madam Pomfrey said that you were free to leave once you had woken up. And that you need to eat more. You know, I had been meaning to mention that to you. It really isn't healthy for you at all to only be eating lunch. I can't recall the last I saw you at breakfast or even dinner. You really should—"

"Blaise!" I yelled. Blaise and Draco both looked at me with startled expressions.

"I understand you are trying to help me, but I really would appreciate it if you would slow down."

"Really, Zabini, I mean, I am best mates with you and I can't even understand whatever you are saying half the bloody time. Not a very attractive trait," Draco threw in. Blaise tossed a parchment ball his way, managing to hit Draco in the eye.

"Boys!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed, practically running over to Hermione's bed area. "Please try to conduct yourselves in a more mature manner! Mr. Malfoy, you are the captain of the Quiddich team! And you, Mr. Zabini of all people are the _Head Boy _of the_ entire_ school! I would like to think you two were better than this. I mean, really, throwing parchment? That is not only a waste of a good parchment, but you are in the company of a lady! Honestly, I do not know _what _they are teaching you youngsters these days! 10 points from Slytherin!" Madam Pomfrey scolded them before turning towards Hermione and smiling. "Hermione, dear, you may leave whenever you feel up to it." Draco was scowling as Madam Pomfrey walked off.

"What in the bloody Hell was that?" he asked. Hermione laughed at his obvious annoyance. "Really, I mean you started throwing the parchment, and yet you get off scotch free!"

"It's all part of the package, Malfoy," I responded, still laughing.

"Package? What package?"

"Let's see, to Hogwarts I am considered the smartest witch of my age. I'm Harry Potter's best friend who fought alongside him during the Final Battle. I'm a saint, or whatever," I said a bit ruefully. "I'm the perfect poster child for being a perfect, goody-two-shoes."

"And we can tell you seem _thrilled_ at that prospect," Blaise retorted.

"Really, Granger, I think your ego needs flipped around. That is _good_! You are probably just as famous as most of the old families! Even more so than a few of them, probably. Especially the Death Eater families!"

"Wow," I said.

"What?"

"Did Draco Malfoy compliment me, Hermione Granger? I must've hit you with that parchment hard!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, come off it! I still think you are a know-it-all," he said stubbornly.

"You mean a know-more-than-you, right?" Blaise joked, earning an elbow in the ribs from Draco. I tossed my head back and laughed. In fact, when I laughed it actually almost sounded normal! Well, except for a small coughing fit in the middle, but that really was nothing important. When I opened my eyes, Draco and Blaise were both staring at me.

"What?" I asked them, squirming under their gaze.

"You know what Hermione? I can't remember the last time I heard you laugh. Actually, I do not believe I have had the pleasure of hearing you laugh! So, we are going to be friends now, just so that you will laugh more often. Because to be honest, you are much more pleasant when you laugh," Blaise declared.

After that, Blaise and I became very close friends. As a result of our friendship and the fact Draco and Blaise did most everything together, Draco and I also obtained a close relationship. I was not as close to them as I thought I had been to Harry and Ron, but I did like them well enough to call them my two best friends. My friendship with Blaise and Draco was pretty much the exact opposite of my friendship with Harry and Ron was. They were almost my equal in intelligence and neither of them needed to copy my homework or notes from class. Although Quiddich was definitely one of their main interests they were able to talk about something else for more than five minutes at a time. So that was nice. So far, only one particular thing about them annoys me beyond the point of normalcy. You see, almost every chance they get, they try to get me to let them teach me how to fly. Now, I am deathly afraid of flying. It was one of the very few things I never had been able to excel in, and that was perfectly fine with me. If I were meant to fly, I would have wings! Or an airplane. Whichever.

**Okay so I am going to try to make my chapters longer. I am sort of having issues with not having very much time to write, let alone think about where I am taking this. I mean, obviously I know where it wants to go but I am having difficulty getting it off the ground if you know what I mean so please don't give up on the story just yet, even though this chapter really is nothing to shout about I admit. I promise this story will get better! **

**And I am going to start on the 3****rd**** chapter on the day after Christmas, and I will put it up if I have 5 more reviews after I finish it. Which should be plenty of time because I have 3 siblings therefore the computer is split up between all of us, plus my parents? So this story should have 12 reviews within the next two weeks. I'm not asking you to write a report on your thoughts, you can just say if you like it or not! I am not too picky! Ha ha Happy Christmas!**

**Thank you for taking the time to read my story!**

**Sincerely, **

**Meredith Glass**


	3. AUTHORS NOTE Please Read?

Okay, so I was looking at my story stats yesterday, and as it turns out, this is my most popular fan fiction. Originally, I had planned on discarding it because there were so many other stories of mine that I liked better, but seeing as how so many people like it, I'm going to pick it up again. I'll be gone next week at a journalism institute, so I'm thinking the new chapter will be up Thursday the 14th, MAYBE into the following Saturday? Thanks for reading =]


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